oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
is it still considered wake n bake if you wake up at 2 pm?
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