I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
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