I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
