But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
Swine flu. Run for my life!
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
Randomize
