I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
If he doesn't get here soon I'm taking off my thong and eating his dinner.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Randomize
