Yeah we had sex for the first time last night and all the text he sent me afterwards said was “heh”
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
Watching her eat just hurts me
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
If you fuck her..... You will be in great danger. Like in so much danger it would be like walking into a pit of crocodiles who haven't eaten and you also just stole their baby.
Randomize
