From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
Friends help friends remove their foot from the sunroof after an epic smoke sesh.
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
