I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
No. Her boobs are the one spot of warmth in my life right now and I will not let you take them from me.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
