I got chris browned last night
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
