my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
