I'm trashed wearing your mom's snuggie. She says hello.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
I wish life was like dora the explorer where dancing pigs appear out of nowhere to solve your problems for you
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
be proud. or at least amused. an 18 yr old and a 25 yr old at least makes my average hookup age this week the same as my age.
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
