I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Hooking up with him was lovely.. but waking up in his bed the next morning and finding double stuffed oreos... I mean.... I won
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
Randomize
