It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
where are my eyebrows?
Randomize
