the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
