just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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