He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
He was having this drunk emotional breakdown and I was just trying to cheer him up but instead fell and dumped the whole pickle jar on me
It was cool though because he was fine afterwards and somehow I convinced them I did it on purpose...
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
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