I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Still dying that you shit outside
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
You now have the mental image of me flying off into the sunset with no pants
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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