The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm at the gas station where we got beef jerky and condoms. The fact that those two are in the same sentence makes me love you more.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
Randomize
