I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
this must be what syphilis tastes like
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize
