now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Also, what is a socially acceptable way to introduce a crossbow in public?
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
Randomize
