Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
My present? It was a fake boarding pass he made in Photoshop. He litterally just gave me a one way ticket to Pound Town
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
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