i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
