Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Sorry, can't come over. I have to spend time with my niece. Her Dad ignores her and I don't want her to have male attention issues like you.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
