My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Dude its barely eleven am and there is already a firetruck and ambulance at the shamrock...happy st paddys day
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Dear Andy-the problem is not that I slept with your girlfriend, it's that you didn't know she's a lesbian.
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