just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
My warmest regards to the fish in that koi pond I puked in.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
