Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
I think it's awesome that you're getting shower sex advice from a Mormon.
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
the fat lady is now rubbing her stomach and staring at me. I hate trains
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
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