I'm really into asian looking animals
i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
