youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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