Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
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