You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Also there's a dick sized hole in my tights...should I be worried?
he said i balance and complete him. i feel sick
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Dude it's SB. It's a proven fact that all you need to survive on is beer, weed, chips and maybe some amphetamines
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize
