He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
check off brunette on the list of girls tht hit me with there cars and then fucked me later
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
Man, coughing on your period is like the biggest gamble a girl can make.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
