Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
She gave me a can of steel reserve to pour on myself in the shower
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
the fact that you beer bonged rum made me so proud, the fact that you threw up an entire footlong tuna melt after... not so much babe
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