For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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