Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The kid I'm babysitting just asked if I had a boyfriend. WHY IS A FOUR YEAR OLD MAKING ME FEEL BAD ABOUT MY LIFE
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
