"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Then you shook your fists at the sky and explained to us that losing a sneeze is like losing an orgasm
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
