my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
and she was petting her beer can
anyone who has a picture of a ferrari with the caption "mAh DreAM caR" is getting denied as my facebook friend.
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Randomize
