I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
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