ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
