Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
oh my god. the driver of our party bus just said "no drugs unless you're sharin," my confidence in him is not high at the moment
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
making a list of all the places we've peed. separate list of places we peed when we were stoned
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
Randomize
