My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
