he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
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