im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Jerry got outside again, i found him making dirt angels in the garden. I need to put a bell on that bastard.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
