Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Randomize
