see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
