So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
There's no time frame.
For drinking wine out of the bottle and taking nyquil at 9 AM? There probably should be.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
Randomize
