she asked me if the dress made her look fat, i told her no - the fat made her look fat.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I'd like to preapologize if you or your mom see me naked at some point this weekend.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
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