Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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