i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
