i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
He's gonna be like you slept with too many of my friends and you're being voted off the island haha
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
