Its not alright that i make out with a manican.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
There's a paramedic out here, what have you done?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
he told me he was a Boston Bruins fan so I took his hat into the bathroom and peed in it...I've never been a prouder Ranger fan
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Randomize
