all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
somehow I wound up on the floor crying about his beard. then telling everyone I'd give him a "lesbian blowjob".
If you find out what that means, show me.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
